God I can't think anymore. I can't laugh, I can't cry.. I am so overwhelmed from what happened the other day that I feel like my emotions are gone. Ever since it happened I'll never be what I used to be. I'm leaving my wild side behind and building a new, better self. Seriously, I can't believe it was me the other night. It can't happen to me. It only happens to teens from the streets, not to someone like me. Everything seems to look perfect about me&my family. But it's the opposite of the truth. That night I was just like the junkies wondring around asking for money. I was one of the whores waiting for some loser to pick them up and fuck them. That's how I feel anyways right now. You wanna know what happened that night? Cause I just want to forget. Forget everything they told me. It can't be me. I keep saying it to myself like it matters. It doesn't. It was me and now I can't do a thing to change it. I can't hide from that girl. I can't deny her existents. You know what is the most sad thing about this story? I don't even know why am I feeling this way. Nobody told me yet what I was doing exactly. The only fact I do know, is the state they found me in. They found me barley standing. With 3 guys hanging me so I won't fall. Walking me home cause they are just SO nice right?.. My family is so sure I was lucky I had them with me. That it means I don't hate myself that bad. Only a little. They walked me home so they must be saint!
While they were talking on and on about the self-hatred, I was thinking about why my top was inside-out. Oh.. Now how saint are they exctly? not so much.
You know what I don't get? Why are they being so caring. I honestly couldn't care less about my family and somehow I'm at their A-list of problems to fix. I used to listen to their conversations with other ppl, just cause I was curious. Now I don't even do that. They probably deserve my love&care after "all the great things they did for me". The "for me" part is the funny part. I feel sorry for them for thinking they actualy helped me with all the punishments, threats and talking. The only thing they did was making me a depressed person who lies non-stop and hides everything from everyone besides my "friends"- who publish every personal thing I ever told them. So here I am.. helping them do their job.
"I didn't give a damn what you said to me, I don't really care what you think of me. Cause either way you gonna think what you believe"
I can do better by Avril Lavigne
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